Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
