It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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