I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
