I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
