In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
