I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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