I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
