Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
