i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
