for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Randomize
