the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
