Just cropdusted the office
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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