sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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