Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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