you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
