Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
