piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
