so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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