She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
