didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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