one might say we're banned from that church
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
