He kissed a someone with a penis
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
