you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
