u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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