I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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