So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
