cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
