I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
