i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
