my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
