Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
