so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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