saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
