4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
