I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
