I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
