Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Randomize
