im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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