I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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