last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
