I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
