every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
