Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
