I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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