didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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