Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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