about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
