Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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