just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
