i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
