The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
