um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
