Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
