she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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