the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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