Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
