I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
