i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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