LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
