are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
